What am I worth?

Parents give their children validation. There is a correlation between the average child's self esteem and his/her relationship with his/her parents.  I have a degree in sociology therefore you can trust what I just stated is true.


For most of my life, I struggled with low self-esteem.  My mother often told me how beautiful, intelligent and talented I was and so did many other people in my life.  Inside my heart, I did not believe it was true.  Even after I received Christ as my Savior, I continued to struggle with these feelings.  John 3:16 says God loved the world so much, He sacrificed the life of His Only Son so that we could have eternal life.  I understood this meant Jesus' sacrifice absolved me of my sins but I didn't feel like I deserved His forgiveness.  I struggled with regret of all the terrible things I had done while "in the world".  In an effort to determine why I did not feel so great about myself, I put my memory tape on rewind and attempted to recall who or what made me feel so low. 


I began to recall the few and brief moments shared with my father.  I remembered a time he took me to his job when I was very little.  He bought a pack of plain M&M's for me and I thought it was the most delicious thing I ever tasted.  Like manna from heaven!  Maybe that is why I am so obsessed with chocolate...  I remember he picked me up from school on my ninth birthday.  I was so happy to see him, I burst into tears and hugged him with all my strength.  I heard a classmate say, "She acts like she never seen her dad before."  The truth is, that was the first time had seen in about three years.  Our meetings were always few and far between.  I believe was around 10 or 11 when I wrote my dad a letter and I asked him why he wasn't around for me and my sisters.  At the time our living situation wasn't the best and I felt if my dad was around, he would be able to make things better.  He responded to my letter and said I was a pessimist, I should value the time we had spent together and not dwell on negative things.  He never said he would visit more often.  He never said he would call or write more often.  He made absolutely no effort to resolve my concern.  Instead, he called me a pessimist and left me to assume I was ungrateful and unworthy of his love and care.


After that, I recall many moments when I accepted less than what I should have.  I allowed myself to be used and abused by people.  I did not care much about my progress in school or my work ethic at the dozens of jobs I had.  I didn't believe anyone truly cared about me and I didn't care about myself or others.  I often questioned why I was ever born, to live such an awful life with one stumbling block after another and no relief in sight.


God's word became my relief.  This world had given me nothing but salt for my wounds. God's word was like medicine to my wounded heart.  The more I read about people who were filthy and disgusting creatures transformed into God's sons and daughters, I knew there was hope for me too.  But I had to believe it!  I had to allow God to replace the seeds my father sowed in my life with seeds that would produce positive, healthy thoughts and behaviors.  At this point in my life, I don't have room in my brain for negative thoughts.  I push those thoughts out with God's words of encouragement. 


I know God loves me if no one on earth does.  I know God thinks I am beautiful on my ugliest day.  I know God is proud to call me His daughter even when I fail.  I don't have to beg God to give me the time day because He is always present in my life.  I was not worth much to my dad but that doesn't even matter to me anymore.  I am not defined by the opinion of others.  God says I am priceless!  God is The Father and He has validated me.  What are you worth?  You are so valuable, a stranger gave his life for you, before you were even born, so that you would not have to suffer the penalty of sin (which is death), but you would have the opportunity to turn away from sin and have a life filled with joy, peace and love for eternity!   


In case you haven't noticed, scriptures and videos are hidden in the highlighted texts so be sure to devote a couple minutes to reading His word and get your mind right. Thank you and God bless you.