A Comforter Is More Than Just A Warm Blanket...

I am a lover of words.  I love to have a memorable word for every occasion.  Maybe one day, when I am dead and gone, people will quote some of the memorable words I have spoken or written.  The thought of that makes me feel like a celebrity (^_^)

I am not always good with words though.  I have difficulty using words to comfort people who are grieving.  That has been a pretty big obstacle for me when I am attempting to comfort someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one or suffering some other seriously traumatic life event.  I have tried to mimic some of my mentors who are proficient at using words to comfort but it feels so awkward and unauthentic.  I often wished this talent was more natural for me.  So... I looked to The Word to help me figure it out.

Many people know the story of Job.  You know, the guy in the Old Testament who was the target of a bet of sorts between God and Satan.  Job suffered the loss of his immediate family, loss of his wealth, deteriorated health, every unfortunate circumstance you could imagine. When I used to think of Job, I thought of his story as an example of having strong faith.  The more I studied his story, the more I was able to see his story was abut more than that.   Much of the book of Job covers conversations between Job and his "friends".  His friends heard of his troubles and came to check in on him.  For a few days, they sat and mourned with him.  For the bulk of the time they were with Job, they were not very helpful in encouraging him through the hard time Job was facing.  They did a lot of finger wagging, nagging, making accusations about his character.  They assumed he must have done something to offend God to be in such a horrible situation.  Fortunately, Job's faith in God helped him stay encouraged during his time of trouble because his friends were not helping at all.

I can recall back when I was in college, I found myself in a pretty tough spot and desperately needed someone to comfort me.  Many of the people I was close to were in no position to help me during my time of need.  I was fearful of going to my mother for help because I thought she would be like Job's friends and make me feel even worse.  Eventually, I got up the courage to call her and ask for help.  When I called her, I was still too ashamed to come clean about my situation so I didn't mention my problem right away.  Somehow, The Lord put it on her heart exactly what I was going through without me having to say a word!  Even more surprising, she did not fuss at me or make me feel bad.  She offered to help me during my time of need and encouraged me to get my life back on the right path.  If it wasn't for her positive encouragement, I can't imagine how my life would have turned out.  I am thankful that she acted in a godly manner with helping me through my situation.

One of my favorite parables is the story of the prodigal son.  We all know how the young, foolish, rebellious son demanded his share of inheritance, ran off and squandered all his wealth and came crawling back to the mercy of his father.  The most awesome part of the story is not just the fact that the son was welcomed back home but the manner in which his father welcomed him.  His father wasn't busy at work or watching sports center when the prodigal son returned.  The father was actually watching and waiting for his son!  The scripture states the father saw his son from far off and came running to greet him with open arms.  This story tells me not only about God's grace and mercy.  It also tells me how I should deal with people who come to me for help.  A godly person is eager to encourage and uplift those who are in a bad spot.  A godly person does not say "I told you so" or give harsh criticism. 

So basically, what I am trying to say here is that I have learned that I don't always need to know the right thing to say.  Sometimes just being present and silent is the best way to comfort a person who is grieving.  If someone in my life is experiencing a tough time, I don't need to put them down and make them feel worse.  I need to approach them with love and offer to help them in any way that I can.  Too often we judge others and say, "Oh, you deserve to suffer for the bad choices you made."  Instead we should genuinely say, "I'm sorry to hear you are suffering.  I am here if you need me to help." 

I hope you Sunday morning Christians understand my words!  Make the choice to be a warm blanket, not a wet one!