What am I worth?

Parents give their children validation. There is a correlation between the average child's self esteem and his/her relationship with his/her parents.  I have a degree in sociology therefore you can trust what I just stated is true.


For most of my life, I struggled with low self-esteem.  My mother often told me how beautiful, intelligent and talented I was and so did many other people in my life.  Inside my heart, I did not believe it was true.  Even after I received Christ as my Savior, I continued to struggle with these feelings.  John 3:16 says God loved the world so much, He sacrificed the life of His Only Son so that we could have eternal life.  I understood this meant Jesus' sacrifice absolved me of my sins but I didn't feel like I deserved His forgiveness.  I struggled with regret of all the terrible things I had done while "in the world".  In an effort to determine why I did not feel so great about myself, I put my memory tape on rewind and attempted to recall who or what made me feel so low. 


I began to recall the few and brief moments shared with my father.  I remembered a time he took me to his job when I was very little.  He bought a pack of plain M&M's for me and I thought it was the most delicious thing I ever tasted.  Like manna from heaven!  Maybe that is why I am so obsessed with chocolate...  I remember he picked me up from school on my ninth birthday.  I was so happy to see him, I burst into tears and hugged him with all my strength.  I heard a classmate say, "She acts like she never seen her dad before."  The truth is, that was the first time had seen in about three years.  Our meetings were always few and far between.  I believe was around 10 or 11 when I wrote my dad a letter and I asked him why he wasn't around for me and my sisters.  At the time our living situation wasn't the best and I felt if my dad was around, he would be able to make things better.  He responded to my letter and said I was a pessimist, I should value the time we had spent together and not dwell on negative things.  He never said he would visit more often.  He never said he would call or write more often.  He made absolutely no effort to resolve my concern.  Instead, he called me a pessimist and left me to assume I was ungrateful and unworthy of his love and care.


After that, I recall many moments when I accepted less than what I should have.  I allowed myself to be used and abused by people.  I did not care much about my progress in school or my work ethic at the dozens of jobs I had.  I didn't believe anyone truly cared about me and I didn't care about myself or others.  I often questioned why I was ever born, to live such an awful life with one stumbling block after another and no relief in sight.


God's word became my relief.  This world had given me nothing but salt for my wounds. God's word was like medicine to my wounded heart.  The more I read about people who were filthy and disgusting creatures transformed into God's sons and daughters, I knew there was hope for me too.  But I had to believe it!  I had to allow God to replace the seeds my father sowed in my life with seeds that would produce positive, healthy thoughts and behaviors.  At this point in my life, I don't have room in my brain for negative thoughts.  I push those thoughts out with God's words of encouragement. 


I know God loves me if no one on earth does.  I know God thinks I am beautiful on my ugliest day.  I know God is proud to call me His daughter even when I fail.  I don't have to beg God to give me the time day because He is always present in my life.  I was not worth much to my dad but that doesn't even matter to me anymore.  I am not defined by the opinion of others.  God says I am priceless!  God is The Father and He has validated me.  What are you worth?  You are so valuable, a stranger gave his life for you, before you were even born, so that you would not have to suffer the penalty of sin (which is death), but you would have the opportunity to turn away from sin and have a life filled with joy, peace and love for eternity!   


In case you haven't noticed, scriptures and videos are hidden in the highlighted texts so be sure to devote a couple minutes to reading His word and get your mind right. Thank you and God bless you.

What is "tangible faith"?

define tangible: easily seen or recognized; able to be touched or felt

define faith: strong belief or trust in someone or something

There was a point in my life when I was just flat out tired of struggling.  I struggled with feelings of loneliness, inadequacy and regret.  I was completely bankrupt from paying one consequence after another for foolish choices I made.  Some days, the burden of my sins were so great, I literally felt the weight on my back was so heavy, I could hardly move.  Other days, I felt as if I were drowning in a sea of all my failures.  I wanted so much to be able to just drop that burden and run far away from it.  I wanted to be lifted out of the sea and feel oxygen in my lungs.  I wanted to have peace and joy and love in my life yet I had no idea how to obtain it.

Then one day, I suddenly remembered a scripture from my childhood.  The first time I read this scripture, it meant absolutely nothing to me but somehow, over a decade later, I was able to recall it word for word. 

     "I waited patiently for the Lord.  He turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit; out of the muck and mire.  He set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my heart, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."

I searched fervently for the source of these words.  I wanted so desperately for the Lord to rescue me from that pit of despair like He did for the author of Psalms 40. 

I began to read the Bible all day, every day in search of an answer to all my problems.  As I studied the Bible, I felt myself transform.  I no longer felt overwhelmed with those terrible feelings.  Slowly but surely, I felt all those burdens drop from my back.  I felt myself rising from the sea and bursting up to the surface.  I felt like I could run for miles without stopping.  I could breathe easy and enjoy life.  It didn't happen overnight, it was a process.  I never found any particular scripture which uncovered THE answer to all my problems but I found something better.  I developed a relationship with God!  I obtained an intimacy with Him through my Bible study and found exactly what I had been longing for all my life!  God washed away all that muck and mire which almost destroyed me and replaced it with overwhelming feelings of peace and joy and love.  It was as if I died and had been reborn into a brand new person! It was just so amazing.

As I grew closer to God, every aspect of my life changed.  I became a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, an overall better person.  I began to appreciate life more and treasure all God's blessings.  I viewed the world differently and made better choices.  Sometimes I have flashbacks of who I used to be and compare her to the woman I am now.  It brings me to tears because I am so thankful that the Lord delivered me from my former life and gave me a brand new start.          

So, what is a tangible faith?  I will tell you in case you haven't figured it out on your own. 

God is not a mystery.  God is not a fairy tale.  God is not "the opium of the people".  God is not some far away being, seated on a throne in the clouds, unapproachable and unattainable.  God is not reveling in our misery, tossing sinners left and right into the burning abyss of hell.  All of those myths that nonbelievers constantly try to force feed us is a load of crap.  God is everything.  God is everywhere.  God exists in the past, present and future.  God sees all and God knows all.  Most importantly, God lives inside each and every one of us.  God encrypted us with His DNA and manifests Himself to us constantly.  Why is that so difficult to believe?  After all, we put so much faith in the man made devices we use to access the internet, talk on the phone and watch TV.  We have no idea how that technology functions yet we obsess over them like idols.  We purchase food from the grocery store which is harvested, prepared and packaged by the hands of strangers.  Yet we have faith in its nutritional contents and consume it without considering it may be tainted and harmful to our bodies.

The Bible contains proof of God's existence.   In its pages, you will find stories of people in relationship with God.  You will often find them seeking God's favor and desiring to be closer to Him.  You will find people who were I pain and trusted God for healing.  Some of these people may even temporarily lost faith but God continued to be present in their lives and their faith was restored.  When you choose to accept Jesus as your Savior, after you commit to seek God's heart, His Spirit will speak to you.  When you are guided by His Spirit, you will obtain a fresh perspective of life.  You will become wiser and make better choices.  You will have peace in times of turmoil.  You will have unspeakable joy during sorrowful moments.  You will have love overflowing inside your heart and you will never feel unworthy anymore.

God can save you from your pit if you allow Him to.  God can transform your life.  God can give you a testimony that will demonstrate to the world how good He is.  You must seek Him, pray often and  meditate on His word.  Surround yourself with people who are also focused on being closer to God.  There is evidence that God exists but you must open your eyes to see Him...

    

God Inspired Gifts

I have been in the process of writing a book for several years.  And not just any book, THE EPIC!  Between my work schedule, my family life and my spa appointments with May Ling, it is a challenge to find time to devote to my book.  My resolution for this year is to devote time to finish THE EPIC. I have a God Inspired Gift of writing (and you thought I was going to say comedy...lol) and I have decided to use my gift for His divine purpose.  My challenge to the world, should you choose to accept, is to put your God Inspired Gifts to use. 


God has bestowed upon each of us, individually and specifically, particular gifts.  These God Inspired Gifts enable us to perform different services in the body of Christ.  Our service, regardless of how big or small, is a blessing to those who receive it.  It is important to take pride in your service as it is a reflection of God to the world.  Your service has the potential to lead people closer to God  or push people further away.  On one of my quick grocery store runs, I had a hand cart filled with 12 items.  I was in a rush so I hopped in the "10 items or less" line.  The evil cashier took one look at my stack of groceries, shot approximately 5,000 daggers out of his eyeballs, and said, "You have more than 10 items."  I replied, "Yes, I know. Do you want me to get in a different line?"  He proceeded to ring up my items with a bad attitude.  I became so angry, I vowed never to get in his line again.  It has been over a year and to this date, even if he has no line, I will wait in a different line to receive service.  On the other hand, May Ling always has a positive attitude when she sees me walk into the nail bar.  No matter how many services I request, even if I don't have an appointment, she is always polite and kind.  She treats me like her daughter and I leave her presence feeling like a pretty princess.  Because of her positive impact on my life, I always see her for the services I want and reward her with a hefty tip.


Oftentimes, people forget worldly possessions, positions and favor are temporary.  In the blink of an eye, you can be robbed of your possessions.  At the wave of a hand, you can be fired from your job.  With the snap of a finger, you can lose the love of your friends and family.  The only thing that is guaranteed is God's love for those who serve Him.  God's love is eternal.  God's love never fails.  God's ability to strengthen you and allow success in your endeavors is everlasting.  How awesome is that?! I am so amazed each day I wake up, knowing God's hand is guiding my every step.  As I use my God Inspired Gift to bring glory to Him, He will not only bless me beyond my wildest dreams but He will also use me to be a blessing to others.


God used David to fulfill a particular purpose.  Read for yourself: II Samuel 5  David began his life as a sheep herder and eventually became a king!  David started life as an everyday, average person but he used his God Inspired Gifts and ultimately led a nation of God's chosen people.  II Samuel 5:10,12 states "and he became more and more powerful because the Lord God Almighty was with him.  And David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel and had exalted his kingdom for the sake of his people Israel."  David's power did not come from his own personal abilities.  His power came from God!  David was not named king of Israel for selfish purposes.  He used his position to uplift the entire nation!  When you serve God with your whole heart and allow Him to direct your path, you can be like David.  You can have success and use your position to be a blessing to others.


Last but not least, I was drawn to Jesus' parable of the talents when I made my resolution to complete THE EPIC.  The parable tells a story of a man who distributed bags of gold to three of his servants.  Two of the servants invested the gold, doubled the amount originally received and offered it all back to their master. The third servant chose to hide his gold therefore he did not receive any interest or benefit from it.  The master was thoroughly pissed with the third servant for failing to use the gold as an investment opportunity.  He wound up taking his gold back and kicked him out into the street. WOW!  The master was so impressed with the other two servants, he allowed them to keep the gold and the interest earned so they could continue accruing wealth.  DOUBLE WOW! We can compare this parable to our God Inspired Gifts.  Are were wasting the gold our master has given us by hiding it?  Or are we investing our gold to bring glory to the kingdom of God?  Whatever your God Inspired Gift is, use it for a Godly purpose and you will reap eternal benefits.  I guarantee you will find peace, joy and success when you follow God's path for your life instead of spending all your good years working hard for temporary reward.